According to dictionary.com the word expression has a couple definitions, but for this purpose I'd like to focus on the definition as follows: an indication of feeling, spirit, character, etc., as on the face, in the voice, or in artistic execution.
There is something about expression that makes people either completely comfortable or completely uncomfortable. There's really no in-between. Just because you appreciate the expression doesn't mean that you accept the entiresubject of what is being expressed, but I believe expression is the art that was placed in all of us. You can picture it in every person you know: it's the deep laugh that comes out so loud you stop and think, whoa. it's in a painting that takes hours to create yet has so much personality of the artist that it is unmistakeably theirs. it's the smile and light in a singer's eyes that give their voice a stronger sound that is felt and not just heard. it's our quirkiness, our mannerisms, our shy smiles, our sudden outbursts, our silly grins,- it's who we are. This dance that is the individual part of who we are flows into every part of our lives. If it is altered or hindered, it is not genuine. Hold on to this expression; it was not put in you for you.
The joy and beauty and peace and strength that you find in your life must be shared. It must be expressed! God did not create us to live in this life for ourselves. We are called to be an expression of Him. Take the joy in your life, no matter how small or large, and share it! Express it. Whether you sing, paint, dance, speak, cook, sew, twitter, garden, decorate, walk, waltz, write, or just laugh- do it. When you get to see it in others and witness their expression, embrace it all. Appreciate the individualism. It's like the weather. Every season has it's ups and downs. Winter is cold, but the snow is beautiful. Spring is dusty and allergy-ridden, but the fresh flowers and green land is breathtaking. Summer is hot and humid, but the bright skies and sunny days are uplifting. Fall can be rainy, but the colors and the crisp air are refreshing. The snow, the flowers, sunshine, and the leaves turning are all expressions of the land. The ability to feel cold and heat and the wind and the rain is part of humanity. Our senses connect us to each other and allow us to relate.
For example, food and drink are great social gatherings because of the senses that they evoke. Taste is the most common and most comfortable of all senses (save perhaps sight) because of the fact that one must eat to live, therefore one must partake in the sensation of taste. The same reasoning is followed with drink. To create and serve a meal is not only gracious, but it is an invitation to take in the shared celebration of the sense of taste. Everyone is invited- encouraged- not only to eat and drink for hunger's sake but to indulge for the sake of indulgence (and in good company!). Commonality allows for comfort and enjoyment which gives freedom for expression. At this place is where expression can thrive. Unfortunately, our humanity also leads to hindrances such as politics, bias, or even timidity.
This expression is part of the person that God created in you.
Psalm 139:14
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
Here's the thing- it's an identity crisis. Okay, maybe it's not that dramatic. I highly doubt I am the only one that experiences this in life. It is the first time in my life when I truly have not be able to make sense of who I am. It's like everything in my life that I am doing doesn't feel like me. Recently, I have done some things that I have never done before- some of them I never thought I would. (Careful how you use the word "never")
I live with a cat. And I really like it! She's curious and funny and likes to play with me. Who knew? I dry my jeans. Women will understand this more, but for the first time ever I can actually dry my jeans because I need them to fit like they did when I bought them. I have lost some weight, and most of my clothes don't fit. This is more disconcerting than it sounds. I joined a gym. Yep, I pay to work out and I can watch TV while I run. I still try to run outside when it's not sweltering, but the summer heat can be deadly. I work on MS Excel more than Word. Numbers over words- ugh. While I am embracing these new things, there are also other things that I am struggling with. I am not in school taking classes that I love. I am not a part of a team or community. I have few responsibilities or commitments unless I decide to take them on. These are things I have known the majority of my life, and now without them I am trying to find who I am.
But it is true that my plans and ideas are not all that my life is going to be about. I am reading a book about God's purpose for women and His call for their lives. The call for Eve was to be God's image bearer and an ezer, a strong helper. Eve is not defined by her interests or talents or her place in life, but she was created to be an image bearer of God- one created in God's image. An ezer is a warrior as the Hebrews used the word. Because Adam was alone in this world, God created an ezer to stand beside him and face the challenges of the world together. Man and woman were created in this world to stand alongside and encourage each other. It is when men and women join together that His image is shone most brightly. No matter what place in life women find themselves, God has created women to be image bearers and ezers.
-Lost Women of the Bible by Custis James.
So it is not really about cats or jeans or Excel, but it is about becoming and being the woman God created. How hard it is to remember that daily.
In college when I would write research papers, I liked to be able to plan out the entire paper and outline it before I began writing. I would create a rough outline and organize all my material in the proper order. I did not always write it in order because certain points were easier for me to write about than others. Usually I would start with the section that I had the most research for and was fresh on my mind. After most of the body of the paper was finished, I would write the conclusion before the introduction. It was easier for me to wrap up the whole paper and prove what I had just written about. That's the thing, I'm good at drawing conclusions. In fact, we as humans are good at drawing conclusions. Or at least we like to think we are.
The tendency to figure out a problem or solve something is a prevailing notion among ambitious people. It's not a bad thing to want to improve, but perhaps the flaw rises when we try to conclude before all the facts are presented. Maybe everything does not need to be figured out. Maybe everything does not fit in a neat box marked "case closed". Maybe it's just not that simple. It is more comfortable to know that something has been solved and the conclusion has been written, yet I'm presenting the possibility that all is meant not to be solved.
When people set out on road trips, most of the time it is not to reach the destination but to take the journey. Of course to some people, the journey would not make much sense without the destination, but you do not need a destination to have an adventure. Therefore, I believe that one does not always need to draw a conclusion in all spots of life.
When I was in middle school, I had a friend tell me that I say sorry too much. I was dumbfounded. I had no idea what she was talking about until I started listening to myself. And then I realized, I really do say it a lot. Whether it was a low self-esteem or just the lack of anything to say, I definitely overused the phrase. So I stopped saying it. I didn't want to be apologizing all the time because nobody would take my words seriously. I find it ironic now that I am working in an industry that is saturated in quick, simple customer satisfaction. Then again, it's pretty close to fast food, except that our company's platform is designed to provide an "inviting third place". Starbucks, you are a phenomenal company. Granted, I am a people-pleaser, though not to the point where I get walked over, but it is in my nature. So, daily you'll hear me saying, "sorry about that". But, you must know that I truly, personally am not sorry. Yet here I am expressing my (precious) words of apology to you. That is what you want to hear in the 30 second - 3 minute time that you interact with me. So, back to middle school and over-apologizing. It's okay though- just know that for the sake of your smile (and my tip), I'll still say "sorry about that". After all, you have come to Starbucks, and I don't want to let you down.
For you, Robert.
Faith. It's one of the fruits of the spirit. It makes an easy catch phrase- have faith! Jesus talks about it over and over in the Bible. But I want to know, when does it actually step up and play it's part?? I want faith. I want an unwavering, undeniable faith. I want the peace that comes with faith. Is it something that grows with me as I mature? Or is it like an instinct that just kicks in at the right time? When does what I know become how I live? I have to believe that emotion and feeling were given to us for a reason, but I also believe that reasoning was given to us as well. So where is the balance, and can you live off one while denying the other?? Okay, well it's time for faith to make it's debut.
Faith to me has been an over-talked-about about subject among Christians who use the phrase so casually. Faith is not a small matter! To be honest, I mostly see it as an act of trying to believe everyday. I see it as something that I keep striving for. It's like if I keep saying it to myself, one day, it will just click. It's not my belief in God that is wavering, but my belief in how God is working. We are all different people, but God is the same. So where does that leave us? How do different, broken people approach a perfect, never-changing God?
I've wrestled with this for a while because I constantly run into friends and people who share my faith in God but have a different way of knowing him. Let me explain. It's like when you are shopping with a friend, and you suddenly realize that you don't have very similar tastes. You both like to shop, you both like to buy shoes, you both like to dress up, and yet neither of you shop at the same stores. Does this difference negate the fact that you two both enjoy shopping? Definitely not! Here's the best advice I ever received from a friend: The way that you love Jesus may not be the way I love Jesus. It makes a lot of sense for me because for a time I struggled with why I could not completely relate to the friends I was trying to study the Bible with. Just because our faith does not look the same, doesn't mean that we don't share the same love of God. The thing is that He is still God, and the way we love Him does not determine who He is.
So this brings me back to faith. Is it learned? or developed? or granted? Or maybe it's like that pair of pants that you buy hoping to fit into. You work out, eat right, and they fit! So you wear them and have fun and eat more and stop working out, then they don't fit again. But is faith such a roller coaster? I'm convinced that it can't be. I don't know how yet, but I'd like faith to take center stage.
Is it that we are satisfied with too little or too much?
We are constantly going after more and more stuff: more to eat, more to drink, more to buy, more places to go. The list goes on and on and around again. This world produces some great things. Beautiful and satisfying trinkets that once excite us will fail to entertain us as time passes. But, there is always the next thing, which for a time takes the place of the previous object. Or perhaps, you truly value that one thing that you have had forever and no matter how many years go by, it is still a point of satisfaction- just knowing that your possession has attained more value with age is satisfying. It's there to remind you that it's yours, your possession! I have these things. I start to recognize which ones they are because I get that itch in my brain when someone inquires about them. It's the thought, why do they want to touch it? why should I let her borrow it? It's silly, really. And my possessions have small value monetarily, but I believe it is the nature of how I attained it that gives me a sense of pride and possessiveness. But, yes it is satisfying. No matter what level or method of satisfaction draws you to your possessions, it's problematic. This earthy place is fleeting. Scary to say, and even scarier to actually live by. Yet we draw large amounts daily of satisfaction from it...and for what?
I believe we are satisfied with too little. We are trading the simple, easily-attainable pleasures of this lovely, enticing world for eternity. E.T.E.R.N.I.T.Y.! Do we not know that it holds immeasurably more than earth?? Phil. 3:7 - "But, our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ."
I must be aware of the pursuit of fleeting satisfaction that can take it's place as a god. I do believe that the beauty and value we see in this life is as we see it, but it pales in comparison with what is to come-- and that it what I'm ultimately after.
Maybe I'm tired of telling my story. I meet different people everyday, and every now and then I happen to strike up a conversation that dips deeper than the typical, "how's it going?". I actually love hearing other people's stories- where they came from, what they've done, what they are doing, what they really want to be doing, and so on. But, I am reaching a point where I no longer want to answer those questions myself. Maybe it's just my situation right now but I am thrown for a loop when posed with these questions, and I hate that my responses seem to come out whiny or bitter or complacent. The truth is that I am learning to live every moment with purpose because God placed me in that moment. It is not an easy thing. Most days, I fail at it yet I keep going.
I'm also tired of hearing myself talk about myself. Seriously, my story is getting outdated. I want to hear others and listen to their stories. It's like book that is sitting on the shelf. You see the spine and read the name of it... it looks interesting. Once you pull it from the shelf you can see the cover... it grabs your attention. Upon reading the back cover you get a preview and discover their personality. Then you open it and read their story. How boring would it be if you pulled the book from the shelf, read the back cover, opened it, but begun to tell your own story while holding theirs in your hands?
Pick up a new book... become a real listener.
