I'll get there, you better believe I will.
Although I'm not quite sure of the where, how or when, I'll get there. I am determined. I am confident. I am unstoppable. I get discouraged, but I know how to dust myself off and get back on my feet. I'm not going to stop trying. Just because one person determines success a certain way, does not mean that it is that way for me. I am learning what things I value in life. Perhaps they are not what I thought they were.
Maybe I was never the girl who had big dreams of doing great things. Sure, there are things I've wanted to do and places I've wanted to see. I just never started a sentence with, "I've always wanted to..." But I'm okay with that. I am definitely not limited.
Perhaps God created me with such desires that I cannot even see the entire picture. Perhaps it is greater than what I can imagine. Perhaps if I had that one thing that I was going to do, I would be so focused on that that I could not see the other things and people along the way. Maybe I would have missed the people that I work with. Maybe I would have missed the regular customers. Maybe I would have missed my new friends. Maybe I would have missed -------. Maybe I don't understand it all, but just maybe I am beginning to accept and live in that.
If I keep seeking the future, how will I live in the present? So, how then should I live in the present? How do I solidly live for today while so desperately longing for the next season (without even knowing the next season)?
But-- you better believe I'm going places. Although I stand in this place longing to be anywhere but here, I'll seize the day and keep exploring. Some days, I feel like a mountain climber preparing for a climb. I have all my gear, my water bottles are full, my shoes are laced, and I've said my goodbyes. But, I cannot find the trail head. I do not even know where the trail begins. I am ready to scale the side of the mountain without even having reached the foot of it. Anxious.
"All who wander are not lost"- J.R.R. Tolkien.
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