dear Sir:

I met you because I was introduced to you at a very young age. You were always a part of my life because my parents knew you well. I kept meeting people that knew you and would tell me how great you were and the great things you had done. There were millions of articles to read about you. I learned of things that you did and people you had rescued. You were a hero! But, I also learned about the destruction you caused. I learned about the anger you possessed. I learned about the laws you enforced. I learned about the justice you demanded. And I began to wonder, who are you?

I knew of you through the words of others and against what was written about you, I was beginning to struggle to comprehend you as one. I traveled to a town filled with poverty and need. I spent one week for three consecutive years building houses for those who had no money or food to provide for their own family. I brought warmth to their home by building a roof over their heads and placing keys to a home in their hands. I gave them a book that told them about you. Where did this peace and hope that I bestowed so graciously come from?

I watched the world crumble around me. The tragedy of 9/11 sparked a sharp feeling of anger. Deep sadness grew in my heart as I witnessed stories over and over of families torn apart by death. Terror had struck and now resided in the homes of Americans, and I could feel it. I struggled to comprehend how our world was turned upside down. For the first time in my life, I felt vulnerable. So I asked you, why?

Then I was driving to the hospital in Denver on Valentines' Day. I wasn't ready for this to happen. I did not have the words and I went numb. My gramma died, and now my family is missing a piece. This was the time in my life that I wish I could go back to. I was angry and confused, but mostly I was frustrated with myself. I did not know how to talk to you and wanted you to be so near. Why did you give me this pain of death to handle at this time?

I traveled to a land on the other side of the globe. I met people from all over the world in Sydney who professed to know you. I began to see you in everyday life. I watched people speak your name and give witness to how their lives had been changed because of you. I learned that you are not limited to one place, people, age, or culture. I believe this was the time you opened my heart wide and placed a deep hunger in me. You challenged me to know you personally, not just through the words of others. It was a joy to embrace you every day.

My life never makes sense to me. I try and try to figure it out, but it doesn't work- no matter how much reasoning or figuring I do.

"If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself?" Luke 9:23-25

I believe you, dear Sir, are my only answer, and I know my journey is not over. I am desperate to know you for who you really are, not just want I hear or want to hear. I believe you are greater and stronger than anything I could comprehend, and this is why I must know you even deeper.