Failure.

Here is a quote from one of my favorite movies, Elizabethtown. It’s not necessarily the quote but the subject of it that applies to me. Failure is a great fear of mine. It would be hard for me to admit that, but it is absolutely true so I have no reason to be shy about it. I am examining the depth and relevancy of failure.

“There's a difference between a failure and a fiasco. A failure is merely the absence of success. Any fool can achieve failure. But a fiasco, a fiasco is a disaster of epic proportions. A fiasco is a folk tale told to others to make other people feel more alive because it didn't happen to them.” – Drew Baylor, Elizabethtown


Is it a hindrance or a lack of a propelling force that results in failure?

Is failure a presence or an absence?

To be so concerned with the failings and successes in our lives distracts us from the true breath of humanity. The heartbeat of mankind is drawn by love from above (God) and then love from around (each other). Neither victory nor loss should play a role in the level of a relationship. I must believe that a friendship, a relationship, a love is begun and strengthened and survived despite success and failure.

So I ask, does optimism trump foreboding failure?
If a positive outlook and contagious energy were all it took to cure a failure (or even a fiasco), I’d be glowing all the time. You see, underneath it all, I believe in a smile. I believe in joy. I believe in excitement and happiness. I believe in beauty and creativity and the power of sharing it’s warmth.

Perhaps it is my overwhelming desire and enjoyment of success that drives me to the fear of failure. Either way, my failures will not define me.

Let's give them something to blog about

I'll get there, you better believe I will.

Although I'm not quite sure of the where, how or when, I'll get there. I am determined. I am confident. I am unstoppable. I get discouraged, but I know how to dust myself off and get back on my feet. I'm not going to stop trying. Just because one person determines success a certain way, does not mean that it is that way for me. I am learning what things I value in life. Perhaps they are not what I thought they were.

Maybe I was never the girl who had big dreams of doing great things. Sure, there are things I've wanted to do and places I've wanted to see. I just never started a sentence with, "I've always wanted to..." But I'm okay with that. I am definitely not limited.

Perhaps God created me with such desires that I cannot even see the entire picture. Perhaps it is greater than what I can imagine. Perhaps if I had that one thing that I was going to do, I would be so focused on that that I could not see the other things and people along the way. Maybe I would have missed the people that I work with. Maybe I would have missed the regular customers. Maybe I would have missed my new friends. Maybe I would have missed -------. Maybe I don't understand it all, but just maybe I am beginning to accept and live in that.
If I keep seeking the future, how will I live in the present? So, how then should I live in the present? How do I solidly live for today while so desperately longing for the next season (without even knowing the next season)?

But-- you better believe I'm going places. Although I stand in this place longing to be anywhere but here, I'll seize the day and keep exploring. Some days, I feel like a mountain climber preparing for a climb. I have all my gear, my water bottles are full, my shoes are laced, and I've said my goodbyes. But, I cannot find the trail head. I do not even know where the trail begins. I am ready to scale the side of the mountain without even having reached the foot of it. Anxious.

"All who wander are not lost"- J.R.R. Tolkien.